Seven things he won't know he's doing wrong until you tell him The male and female brains work in different ways. Fact. Get the male perspective on those mistakes only men could make You've probably noticed by now that men are not perfect. In fact, it can sometimes seem that men are huge, great blobs of imperfection. In women's eyes men regularly do things wrong and are too lazy to do anything about it. But many of the mistakes men make are due to their not knowing they are mistakes in the first place. We only do them because our brain works differently from the female brain. Remember, unless you tell your Mr Imperfect that these things upset you, he'll carry on getting them wrong.
1. Being abrupt on the telephone. Men see the phone as a means of communication, nothing more. A typical male telephone conversation goes as follows: 'Drink in the pub tonight?' 'What time?' 'Seven-thirty?' 'See you there.' Men do their talking in person, when they get to the pub. (From about eight-thirty onwards the talking won't make much sense.) But women enjoy the process of communication rather than just its result, so want to prolong the call, bonding a little more. Explain to your man that hanging up quickly can be hurtful, even though he doesn't mean it to be.
2. Offering solutions when you just want him to listen. If you've got a problem (at work, for instance) you'll want to sit down and talk about it with your man, approaching it from different angles. But men don't do 'different angles'. The only angle they know is head-on, with a sledgehammer. Your man will instantly give you practical steps towards fixing the problem. He thinks he's helping. Explain that you appreciate his desire to assist, but all you want him to do is sympathise as you talk around the problem in your own way.
3. Being silent when he's considering his own problems. The other side of the same coin: when your man has a worry, he keeps it to himself, trying to solve it quickly, not wanting to bother you. Men are much more comfortable with silence than women. They don't feel the same need for reassuring communication all the time. And so it doesn't occur to your man that you could misunderstand his quietness as a sign that you've done something wrong. Ask him to keep you posted on his thoughts, even if it's just a monosyllabic grunt or two.
4. Refusing to ask for directions when you're lost. Ever since the first caveman failed to bag a wildebeest for Mrs Caveman's dinner, men have seen failure as a threat to their relationship. They think that if they admit to making a mistake, you'll stop loving them. Reassure your man that this isn't true. In fact you'll love him even more for owning up to his errors. What will stop you loving him is that he's still driving around at four in the morning looking for that hotel.
5. Looking at other women. Men's peripheral vision isn't as good as women's. That's why when you're walking down the street together and a good-looking woman passes, your man will turn his head to look at her. He simply doesn't realise he's doing it. When you cast an eye over a handsome guy, on the other hand, (go on, admit it, you know you do), you're subtle about it. Ask him to at least try and be less obvious.
6. Making arrangements in front of people. 'Mind if I go to the football with Dave next Saturday?' he asks, forgetting that you've arranged to visit your mother that day. The trouble is, he asks you when Dave's there. He expects you to be honest. Because that's what he would do. If you asked him in front of a girlfriend whether he'd mind you going shopping with her next Saturday, he'd be perfectly comfortable about saying, 'But I thought we were going to my mother's?' Men are much more straightforward in voicing their thoughts. What they forget is that 'straightforward' can often translate as 'offensive'. It doesn't enter his head that you'll want to avoid offending Dave. Remind him that 'Planning Your Diary' is a game for two people, not three.
7. Giving vague responses about what he's been up to. When you ask him how his day was, he replies, 'Not bad'. And that's precisely what he means: it wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. He has nothing to report, so he doesn't report anything. Whereas you tell him everything about your office: who's had their hair done, who's not getting on with whom, who's pushing for promotion. Your man doesn't have the same need for details as you do. So he doesn't realise that without them you can feel left out. Tell him that the odd detail from his day wouldn't go amiss.
