Extroverted Sensing Feeling Judging
The Helper
Your self perception.
ESFJ
ESFJs are helpful people who place a high value on harmony. Paying close attention to people's needs and wants, they work well with others to complete tasks in a timely and accurate way. ESFJs follow through on their commitments. They like closure and prefer structured, organized situations in which warmth and compassion are shown. They contribute to others by anticipating their day-to-day concerns and handling them with warmth and efficiency. ESFJs are at their best in organizing people to get a job done.
Living ESFJ children want life to be uncomplicated, secure, harmonious and structured. They are usually responsible, reliable, and cooperative. They thrive in situations in which there is consistency and personal attention. They enjoy the acceptance of others and will work hard to gain that acceptance. ESFJ children are concerned about doing the right things and pleasing their elders.
ESFJs follow the rules and tend to accept them as fair and reasonable. They admire people and teachers who are warm, friendly, and concerned. They are concerned about the feelings of others and like to help out when possible. They begin early to assume responsibility for the welfare of others. They believe it is necessary to give as well as to receive and will often volunteer their time and talents in service organizations.
ESFJs radiate warmth and fellowship, and generally fit in well with their classmates. They value the traditional things that teenagers do and may be involved in various clubs and teams. Their friends often turn to them because of their listening ear and helpful nature.
Often the lives of ESFJs follow a traditional pattern. In adult life, ESFJs take their parent, spouse, employee, or community volunteer roles seriously and are committed to them. They are sensitive to the needs to those around them, sometimes more attuned to others' needs than their own. They gain the respect of others because of their helpfulness, pleasantness, and ability to get things done. They carry out their commitments and are often in charge of events. Mature ESFJs often structure both their work and personal lives so that they can meet the needs of others.
Learning and Working ESFJs learn best in structured situations where they know what they can expect. They like to schedule their learning projects so that they can plan ahead to complete their lessons. They become uncomfortable with continuous interruptions and changes when they are trying to finish what they have started. Even more importantly, however, they want to like the person who teaches them. The teacher-student relationship is helpful to them in doing their best. When there is disharmony in the classroom, it interrupts their learning process. When their work is criticised, even constructively, ESFJs may feel demoralized until they get it right and the teacher acknowledges this. Because they tend to personalize the feedback of their teachers, it is important for them to know teachers' expectations so that they can work to meet them.
Learning tends to be a personal experience for ESFJs. This attitue, combined with their ability to follow through and meet deadlines, results in a conscientious and effective student. ESFJs often enjoy studies about people and their well-being, and are usually less interested in theoretical and abstract subject matters. They like active learning activities such as field trips, experiments and group projects that get them personally involved with others.
At work, ESFJs contribute their ability to cooperate with others and to complete tasks in a timely and accurate way. They respect rules and authority, and handle daily operations efficiently. They tend to be well informed and up-to-date on organizational actions that matter to people. They do what they can to make sure that personal relationships are running smoothly. Because they pay close attention to people's needs and wants, they are often involved in work activities that meet people's practical, day-to-day desires.
ESFJs prefer occupations that allow them to provide direct and personal, yet practical, help to others. Occupations that call for organization and goal direction appeal to them. They are especially careful not to waste time or resources; to do so would go against their nature.
Some occupations are particularly appealing to ESFJs: childcare worker, dental assistant, elementary school teacher, home economist, nurse, office manager, radiological technologist, receptionist and secretary, religious educator, speech pathologist, and other occupations that allow them to help others and serve their values directly.
Loving For the ESFJ, love means warmth and commitment. When ESFJs first fall in love, they show this warmth and concern for their partner in many tangible ways. They will send cards, notes, flowers, special gifts, and other mementos of their affection. If the partner casually mentions a desire for a specific thing, they will try to find just that thing. Once committed in a relationship, ESFJs tend to stay with it even when there is inconvenience to them and perhaps longer than may be healthy. They are able to bring out the best in their partners, even though it may mean putting their own needs second.
Because ESFJs are caring individuals, they expect to give and receive in their relationships. Because others may not be as thoughtful as the ESFJ, it is a possible source of disappointment to them if they expect the same awareness and caring on the part of the partner. Being practical and realistic, they may not always like effusive shows of affection and prefer moderation instead. ESFJs may be more loyal to the relationship or to the institution of marriage than to the person. ESFJs may take the end of the relationship as a personal failure.
ESFJs, when scorned, hurt all over and may need to take time to get over the relationship before pursuing a new one. They may too easily and incorrectly blame themselves for the unfavourable outcome and recall instances when perhaps they were not as giving as they might have been. However, ESFJs' standards for giving in a relationship are likely to be above those of some other types. At their worst when scorned, ESFJs can become spiteful and critical of the partner. Because ESFJs are keenly sensitive to others and are tuned in to emotional needs, they really know how to hurt a person in the rare instances when they choose to do so.
ESFJ RelationshipsESFJs are warm-hearted individuals who highly value their close personal relationships. They are very service-oriented, and their own happiness is closely tied into the happiness and comfort of those around them. They are valued for their genuine warm and caring natures, and their special ability to bring out the best in others. They usually do not handle conflict well, and may tend to be very controlling or manipulative. Relationships are central to their lives, and they put forth a great amount of energy into developing and maintaining their close interpersonal relationships. They expect the same from others.
ESFJ Strengths • Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
• Warm, friendly and affirming by nature
• Service-oriented, they want to please others
• Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
• Responsible and practical, they can be counted to take care of day-to-day necessities
• Generally upbeat and popular, people are drawn towards them
• Generally very good money managers
• Traditionally minded and family-oriented, they will make family celebrations and traditions special events
ESFJ Weaknesses• Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories
• Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
• Need a lot of positive affirmation to feel good about themselves
• May be overly status-conscious, and interested in how others see them
• Have very difficult time accepting the end of a relationship, and are likely to take the blame for the failure onto their own shoulders
• Have difficulty accepting negative things about people close to them
• Don't pay enough attention to their own needs, and may be self-sacrificing
May tend to use guilt manipulation as a way to get what they want
ESFJs as LoversESFJs are warmly caring people who give their intimate relationships a lot of special care and attention. They're usually traditional and take their commitments very seriously. Once the ESFJ has said "I do", you can bet that they will put forth every effort to fulfill their obligations to the relationship.
ESFJs want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give to others. This need of theirs is sometimes intensified to the point where they are very emotionally needy, and constantly "go fishing" for affirmation if it is not freely given. ESFJs typically cannot stand conflict or criticism. They take any sort of criticism as a general indictment of their character. This is a potential pitfall for ESFJs to be aware of. In the face of negative feedback, or the absence of positive affirmation, ESFJ may become very depressed and down on themselves. Appreciation is the greatest gift that their mates can give them.
ESFJs have a tendency to be very conscious of social status and "what other people think". They should take care not to let this interfere with their close relationships.
Sexually, ESFJs are warm and loving, and welcome intimacy as an opportunity to express their affections and receive their partner's gifts of love. Many ESFJs have a tendency to be highly scheduled and traditional in their sexual habits, but this is almost always overcome by increasing their education and awareness of options. ESFJs are very service-oriented and will place a lot of importance on making their partners happy.
Being highly practical, the ESFJ is excellent in matters regarding home management. They're likely to be very responsible about taking care of day-to-day needs, and to be careful and cautious about money matters. They are interested in security and peaceful living, and are willing and able to do their part towards achieving these goals for themselves, their mates, and their families.
Most ESFJs have a strong need to "belong" - whether to institutions, traditions, or family units. This need usually causes them to be quite social creatures that enjoy attending parties as well as throwing their own. They're likely to strongly desire that their mates share in their social experiences.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESFJ's natural partner is the ISFP, or the INFP. ESFJ's dominant function of Extraverted Feeling is best matched with someone whose dominant function is Introverted Feeling. The ESFJ/ISFP combination is ideal because it shares the common Sensing way of perceiving the world, but the ESFJ/INFP combination is also very good.
ESFJs as Parents As parents, ESFJs are extremely committed to their roles and duties, and contain and freely express a great deal of love and affection for their children. They expect their children to honor, respect and obey their parents, and do not tolerate well any deviance from this rule of behavior. Their Feeling preference makes it difficult for them to punish or discipline their children. If they have not worked on overcoming this issue, they may tend to punish their children in less obvious ways, such as using guilt manipulation. This is a potential pitfall for the ESFJ to overcome. It is generally more effective and healthier to directly issue punishment when called for.
The ESFJ is very service-oriented and concerned with the comfort and happiness of those around them. Consequently, their children are likely to have their practical needs taken care of very efficiently and responsibly. Their ESFJ parents will create structured environments for the children, where their boundaries will be well-defined and known.
The ESFJ's tendency to be controlling, combined with their emphasis on tradition and security, makes it likely that they will be at least somewhat strict and controlling of their children. However, they will also be their children's strongest, loudest advocate. Children of ESFJ parents are likely to rebel from their authority at some point, which will cause a stressful time for both parent and child. In this case, the ESFJ natural tendency is to make their children feel guilty about their behavior. Depending on the extent of the guilt manipulation, this may cause serious damage to the relationship.
Most ESFJs are remembered fondly by their children for their genuine love and affection, and for the well-defined structure and guidelines they created for their children.
ESFJs as FriendsAlthough the ESFJ usually puts their family in front of their friends, they do place a lot of importance on their close friendships, and feel tremendous loyalty towards their friends. Since they feel tremendous pressure in their lives to constantly "do their duty", they may sometimes turn their friendships into another task or responsibility. Usually, however, they get a lot of enjoyment from their friendships, and give back a lot of affirming warmth.
There are a couple of ESFJ tendencies which may cause problems with their casual and intimate friendships: 1) they don't give things freely - they expect something in return, and 2) they have a difficult time believing anything bad about someone close to them.
ESFJs are valued by others for their genuine interest in people, and for their warmth and kind-heartedness. They have a special skill at seeing the best in others, and making people feel good about themselves. As such, they usually have a relatively large number of very close friends, usually of all different personality types.
ESFJs are likely to have well-furnished, orderly and attractive homes. They are usually excellent hosts and hostesses, and enjoy throwing parties and having a good time. They like to feel as if they belong to traditions and institutions, and are likely to have a relatively large group of people which they include in their social circles.
Wei Chao complained.. Hehe.. Saying my 3 words post is not considered an entry! So here comes my super long entry.. Take a deep breath and read on.. (up till this pt of typing, I still have no idea what I am going to blog about)
Let this old brain of mine recall what happened after since Er Er came back on 6th May.. Eh.. Hmm.. Ooo.. Errr... Shit.. Nothing is floating into my mind..
Er Er landed in Spore at abt 2-3am.. He then had to go back to camp and was released at 6am.. After he was released, he went back home to put his stuff down before coming to look for me.. (cant remember if I was still sleeping when he came my place..) Eh.. ok fine cant remember.. really aging already.. So he bought lots of food for my family from Taiwan and he bought me some stuff too.. (1 hp pouch.. which he has one identical one too except that it is blue, 2 bags, 1 set of container which packs everything nicely into one bigger container.. I think he can no longer stand my messy bag with lots of smaller things... and tons of face mask, oh and he got me a coaster too..) Ok talk abt the coaster.. heheh.. Its a super coaster.. Hahahha.. At first when he told me the coaster cost s$5, I was like wa.. so ex.. wats so great abt this coaster that made u paid 5 bucks for it... Then after using it, I discovered the wonder!!! The ceremic of the coaster is heated to 400 degrees so that the coaster can absorb all water! It really does man.. Have the problem of water overflowing onto your table even though a coaster is used? Worry no more with this super absorbant coaster!!! Hehehe.. It ensures that every droplet of water is absorb leaving you feeling all so clean and dry.. Hahha.. (p.S. this sounds like a commerical ad for sanitary pad!)
Ok continue.. so Er Er came back on tuesday.. so wednesday I had class.. Accounting.. Damn shit lor.. The stupid accounting class is like so difficult lor.. She is trying to teach us accounting frm a user perspective.. So everything become so complicated.. And I think she thinks we know everything! Everything is at super speed... In one lecture, we cover 3 chapters from the textbook! OMG!!! My accounting class is twice a week and 3 and the half hrs everytime.. And my quiz is next week.. GREAT! Anyway I have already SU that stupid module.. Argh.. Irritating..
The past two weekends were spent on 'family commitments'. Last last saturday, we went for my Mother's Day dinner.. And sunday was spent at his sister's place coz her baby full month.. And last saturday and sunday he had his ah ma's bday dinner. Hmm and both sunday morning he had soccer..
In between we went hmmm.. eh.. Tiong Baru to settle his uni application, City Hall to shop shop, Jurong Point for dinner, E!Hub for movies, E!Hub for gathering with our sec sch friends, E!Hub for soccer match, Orchard... (tats abt it I guess)
Talking about E!Hub, its such a scary place! Its a place where you will get to meet EVERYONE EVERYWHERE! Hahaha.. Tat day during our sec sch gathering, we met other sec sch friends there.. Saw Elias, Wan Keng and gang.. Hehehe.. Sunday night, we decided to go E!Hub for a midnight show at 1140pm.. and we meet Sheng Feng and Giselle in the CINEMA!! Hahaha.. And since the place is so damn near.. (its just like a 5min walk from my house, there wasnt a need to dress up.. ahahha..) After the show, we even went to 24hrs to had supper with the other 2..
